Aircraft maintenance :-)

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which
conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during
the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct
the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form
what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets
before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of
humor!
Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as
submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance
engineers.
(P = the problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Born Sardar

Each Friday night after work, Santa Singh would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbours were strict Catholics ... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.


The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest.


The Priest came to visit Santa, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Santa attended Mass ... and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, ou were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now, you are a Catholic."


Santa neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived.


The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Santa's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.


There stood Santa, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted: "Oye, you waz born a chicken, and you waz born a lamb, you waz raised a chicken, and you waz raised a lamb but now yara(dear), you are a potato and tomato"!

Discharge from Hospital

im and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom and stayed there.


Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.


When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable.


When he went to tell Mary the news he said, 'Mary, I have good news & bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'


Mary replied 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.'

Too Expensive

George and his wife Marge went to the State Fair every year. Every year George would say, "Marge, I'd like to ride in that airplane."

And every year Marge would say, "I know, George, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

This year George and Marge went to the fair, and George said, "Marge, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance."

Marge replied, "George, that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

The pilot, tired of hearing the annual argument said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars."

George and Marge agree and up they go. The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does all his tricks over again, but still not a word. They land and the pilot turns to George, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."

George replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Marge fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."

Last Meal

Three prisoners are captured in the war. They are asked what they wish to have for their last meal.

The Italian asks for and receives Pepperoni Pizza.

The Frenchmen requests and receives a Filet Mignon.

The American requests a plate of strawberries. The captors are surprised and reply, "strawberries?"

"Yes, Strawberries."

"But, they are out of season!"

"That's ok. I'll wait.."

=== Thanks Milind ===

Bill Gates and the gujju...

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Kantibhai Shah.

Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave. 2000 people leave the room. Kantibhai says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try'

Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people may leave. 2000 people leave the room. Kantibhai says to himself ' I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays.

Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave. 500 people leave the room. Kantibhai says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave. 498 people leave the room. Kantibhai says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate.

Everyone else has gone. Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.' Calmly, Kantibhai turns to the other candidate and says `kem chho' The other candidate answers 'ek dam majama..'

If Laloo became PM of India

Laloo becomes PM (if you haven't cut your throat yet, read on) and goes
to Pakistan for a one-on-one with Nawaz Sharif.They decide to meet without
aides and are closeted for about 5 minutes.

Laloo then emerges from the room. Reporters clamour for a statement.
"Nawazbhai will make the announcement" is all Laloo will say. Nawaz Sharif
comes out and drops a bombshell - Pakistan has decided to give up all claims
on Kashmir, with no strings attached!

The world is stunned. Laloo has achieved in 5 minutes what others had
failed to in 50 years! How did you do it, what did you promise, the press
clamours.

"Sab akai-waalon ka kamaal hai," (All because of the Akai company people)
says Laloo. "Woh kehte hain na, TV loge tho fridge doonga, video
khareedein to cellphone free (They give fridge free if you buy TV, cellphone
free if you buy VCR )... tho ham bhi Nawazbhai se keh diye: "aapko Kashmir
chaahiye na? Le jaayie. Magar saath mein Bihar free milega, bas!" (SO, I said
to Nawazbhai - "You want Kashmir, right? Take it. But you will get Bihar free
with it!")

Laloo in Wonderland

Raabri was worried whether or not Laloo upon his death made it to heaven, so she decided to try to contact his spirit by having a seance. Sure enough, after the usual mumbo-jumbo of calling to the spirits, Laloo's voice was heard answering, "Hello Raabri, this is meeee..."

"Lalooji," she answered. I just have to know if you're happy there in the afterlife. What's it like there?"

"Ooooooh, it's much more beautiful here than I ever imagined," Laloo answered. "The sky is bluer, the air is cleaner, and the pastures are much more lush and green than I ever expected and above all there is no scam. And the only thing we do, all day long, are eat and sleep, eat and sleep, over and over."

"Thank God, you made it to heaven," his Raabri cried.

"Heaven?" he answered. "What heaven? I'm a buffalo in Punjab."

Bihari - Independence Day Speech

A Schoolmaster from a remote rural area in Bihar was transferred to a new School in Mumbai.

He reported for duty two days before August 15 and, as was the practice in the school, was asked to address the school assembly on Independence Day.
Here's his dynamite speech :

Leddies and Gentulmens, Contemporaries, Children, "This is my first maiden speech. If small mistakes get inside my speech, I ask pardon.

Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly, but for the following reason. Too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment. The clerk rejected to give ticket. I put complaint on stationmaster. He said me to go to lady clerk. At first she also rejected. I then pressed her for long time and at last with great difficulty she gave a birth only to my son. Anyway I thanked the stationmaster because he was responsible for getting birth of my son.

We got independent because of great leadersz linke Gundhiji who get-outted all angrezi peoples from India. Tilak said Swaraj is our birth rate and we shall halve it.

Today we all have our birth-rate.You children are future dynamic generators of the Nation. Look into future time only. No backside looking, or looking at your behind.

Be like great like X' raj Ranjan of Germany or Presidents like Loosebelt, Dim Butter, Lipton etc. You know genius, no? It is one per cent perspiration and ninety seven percent evaporation.

They became great by reading great books. After we finish you off here in the school, you can go to college and get B.A., M.A., M.A.M.A and other decrease.

Then you can become great liars in the supreme courts, shattered accountants, or lecherers in college.

The school is like a garden. You are the seeds, classroom is the soil. We will bury you in this soil, pour water of knowledge on your heads and one-day you all will become great phools.

Many vacancy job come in papers. Only yesterday I saw in paper "Wanted for refuted engineering firm: - Generators, highpower condensors" so and so forth, etc. These jobs may be teknickel, but you can shine.

If you have flare in English, you can become teacher.

I am now ending this fastly.

My God blast you!

Thank you and thank God!

Sardar at the Exam

Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final examination which consists of Y/N type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Y for Heads and N for Tails.

Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.

"Oye, I finished the exam in half and hour". "But yaar", he says, "I am rechecking my answers and am not able to tally them with what I wrote."

Sardar's Red Ears

A Sardarji went to a doctor with 2 red ears.The Doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered "

I was ironing my shirt and the phone-rang. Instead of picking up the phone I picked up the Iron and stuck it to my ear".

The Doctor exclaimed in disbelief" Oh Dear!, What happened to your other ear ?".

The Sardar replied "The scoundrel called back".

Sardar in Pain

A Sardar went to his doctor complaining of pain. "Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor.

"You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the sardar.

"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific." The Sardar touched his right knee with his index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then he touched his left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch!

That hurts, too." Then he touched his right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts", he cried.

The doctor checked him thoughtfully for a moment and told his diagnosis, "You have a broken finger."

Sardar on a Flight

Sardar was going to Chandigarh from pune by a air-india plane. He was alloted the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array. But as soon as the sardarji got into the plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old lady. After some time the old lady came and requested the sardarji to leave the side seat. But the sardaji told: "I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave".

The old lady then complained to the air hostess. The air hostess came and requested the sardarji to leave that seat. But sardarji was adament and did not leave. Then the air hostess went and told the asst capt. He also came and requested, but in vain. Finally the Captain came. He whispered something in the ears of the sardarji, and the sardarji immedietly left the side seat and returned to the middle seat.

Astonished, the airhostess and the asst. capt. asked the capt. what he told to the sardarji. Capt. replied: "nothing. I just told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh. All others will go to Jalandhar

Santa in Recession...

This year Santa came too but stripped down to cut the cost.

Recession Joke ….

A new teacher was getting to know the kids by asking them their names and what their father did for a living.

The first little girl said my name is Mary and my Dad is a postman.

The next child said my name Andy and my Dad is a mechanic.

And so on it went.

Until one little boy said my name is Johnny and my father is a dancer in a ladies bar.

The teacher gasped and quickly changed the subject.

Later the teacher approached Johnny privately and asked is your Dad really a dancer in a ladies bar?

Little Johnny blushed and said no. He's really a bank manager. I am just too embarrassed to tell anyone.

Entering Heaven

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.

Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses the man wearing somewhat sloppy clothes, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The guy replies, "I'm Jack Thomas Jr., taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City."

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff. Then it's the minister's turn. He stands up tall and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's Church, for the last forty-three years."

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man before me was a taxi-driver, and he gets a silken robe and golden staff.
Why, How can this be?"

Saint Peter, looks to the preacher and says,

"Up here, we work by results,"

"While you preached, people slept. While Jack drove, people prayed."

Idiot Awards

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Rick the computer guy, to come over. Rick clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?" He replied, "It was an ID ten T error." I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired: "An ID ten T error? What's that ... in case I need to fix it again?" The computer guy grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?" "No," I replied. "Write it down," he said, " and I think you'll figure it out." So I wrote out ...... I D 1 0 T IDIOTS AT WORK: I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature I had just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched. IDIOT SIGHTING I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know? " He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."

A Chinese detectives report:!

A man suspected his wife of seeing another man; so he hired a famous Chinese detective to watch and report any activities while he was gone.

A few days later he received this report:

Most honorable Sir:
You leave the house. I watch house.
He comes to house. I watch.
He and she leave the house. I follow.
He and she get on train. I follow.
He and she go in hotel.
I climb tree-look in window.
He kiss she. She kiss he.
He strip she. She strip he.
He play with she. She play with he.
I play with Me. Fall out of tree, not see. NO FEE.

Mozart:!

Santa and Banta, while in New York trying to live up to a snobbish lifestyle went to a party. The conversation turned to Mozart.
"Absolutely brilliant, magnificent, a genius!"
Banta, wanting to join in the conversation, remarked casually, "Ah, Mozart. You are so right. I love him. Only this morning I saw him getting on the No. 5 bus going to Long Island."
There was a sudden hush, and everyone looked at him. Santa was mortified. He pulled him away and whispered, "We are leaving right now."
As they drove home, he kept muttering to himself. Finally Banta turned to him. "You are angry about something."
"Oh, really? You noticed?" he sneered. "I have never been so embarrassed in my life! You saw Mozart take the No. 5 bus to Long Island? You idiot ! No. 5 bus does not go out to Long Island"

Ancestor's communication network!!

An American and a Russian archaeologist were bragging to Santa.

The Russian said that while digging an ancient ruin in Russia, he came across some thick cables; therefore he claimed that Russians had the telegraph system long before it was invented.

The American said that while digging a ruin in America he found thin cables. This indicated that his ancestors used telephones.

Now it was the turn of our great Santa. He said that while digging ruins in India, men could find nothing; no cables, no wires. It clearly proves that his ancestors used the most sophisticated wireless system.

Innocent daughter-in-law?!

The newly-married daughter-in-law demurely told her mother-in-law, "Mum! I want to know about the customs here."

The mother-in-law said, "Yes Yes, go ahead!"

"How many months after marriage are babies delivered here?" the daughter-in-law enquired.

"Why ? after nine months," told the mother-in-law, struck by her daughter-in-law`s innocence.

"But," declared the daughter-in-law, "At my father`s place, they do it after six months, and for the first time, I shall follow their custom."

Difference between world & heaven

He said, "God?"

God responded, "Yes?"

And the Guy said, "Can I ask a question?"

"Go right ahead", God said.

"God, what is a million years to you?"

God said, "A million years to me is only a second."

The man wondered.

Then he asked, "God, what is a million dollars worth to you?"

God said, "A million dollars to me is a penny."

So the man said, "God can I have a penny?"

And God cheerfully said,

*

*

*

"Sure!...... .just wait a second."

पृथ्वी आणि स्वर्गातला फरक

एकाजणाने खुप तपश्चर्या केली आणि त्याला देव प्रसन्न झाला.

''देवा'' तो माणूस म्हणाला

'' बोल'' देव म्हणाला.

'' मी एक प्रश्न विचारु शकतो का?'' त्या माणसाने विचारले.

'' विचार'' देव म्हणाला.

'' देवा... करोडो वर्ष म्हणजे तुझ्यासाठी किती आहेत?'' त्या माणसाने विचारले.

'' करोडो वर्ष माझ्यासाठी एका सेकंदा एवढे आहेत'' देव म्हणाला.

त्या माणसाला खुप आश्चर्य वाटले.

मग त्या माणसाने पुढे विचारले, '' देवा, करोडो रुपयाची तुझ्यासाठी किती किंमत आहे?''

देव म्हणाला, '' करोडो रुपए माझ्यासाठी फक्त एका पैशासारखे आहेत''

तो माणूस धूर्तपणे म्हणाला, '' देवा, मग तु मला एक पैसा देशील''

देव गालातल्या गालात हसत म्हणाला, '' जरुर... फक्त एक सेकंद थांब''

Blond, brunett and red head stuck on island

A blond brunett and red head were stuck on an island. 

The red head trys to swim back, but only get 25% of the way there. 

The brunett trys to swim back but only gets halfway there... 

Now its the blonds turn. 

She manages to get 50% of the way there, but gets afraid of drowning and swimms back to the island.

तिन महारथी

एक सिंधी, एक पठान आणि एक सरदारजी एका बेटावर अडकले होते. 

सिंध्याने पोहून किनाऱ्यावर जाण्याचा प्रयत्न केला पण जवळजवळ 20 टक्के अंतर पोहून झाल्यावर तो थकला आणि बेटावर पोहत परतला. 

पठानानेही पोहून किनाऱ्यावर जाण्याचा प्रयत्न केला पण जवळजवळ 25 टक्के अंतर पोहून झाल्यावर तो थकून बेटावर परतला. 

आता सरदारजीची पाळी होती. त्यानेही पोहून किनाऱ्यावर जाण्याचा प्रयत्न केला. पण 50 टक्के अंतर पार केल्यावर त्याला बुडण्याची भिती वाटली आणि तो बेटावर परत आला. 

Brave husband

 Man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man said to the dentist , 'Doc, I'm in one hell of a hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:30 already. I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!' 


The dentist thought to himself, 'My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain.' So the dentist asks him, 'Which tooth is it sir?


The man turned to his wife and said, 'Open your mouth honey, and show him.

धीट नवरा

एक माणूस आणि त्याच्या बायकोने दाताच्या डॉक्टरच्या ऑफिसमधे प्रवेश केला. तो माणूस डॉक्टरांना म्हणाला, '' डॉक्टर .. मी खुप घाईत आहे.. खरं म्हणजे बाहेर गाडीत माझे दोन मित्र बसून गोल्फ खेळायला जाण्यासाठी माझी वाट पाहत आहेत.. तुम्ही असं करा.. दाताला भूल वैगेरे देण्याच्या भानगडीत पडू नका आणि दात डायरेक्ट कडचीत पकडून ओढून काढा ... आम्हाला 10 वाजता गोल्फ क्लबला पोहोचायचं आहे आणि आता 9.30 वाजुन गेले आहेत... इंजक्शन देवून भूलीचा असर पडण्यासाठी थांबण्यास माझ्याजवळ वेळ नाही आहे...''

त्या डॉक्टरने विचार केला, ' काय धीट माणूस आहे... भूल दिल्याशिवाय दात काढायला सांगतो... ' म्हणून त्या डॉक्टरने त्या माणसाला विचारले. 

'' साहेब .. कोणता दात काढायचा आहे?''

तो माणूस आपल्या बायकोकडे वळत म्हणाला, '' हनी जरा तोंड उघड आणि त्यांना दाखव बरं''

Niggard

Niggard on his death time-

My wife, where r u ?

Wife:Yes, Im here

My sons daughters ru all here?

Yes, Papa

Niggard : Idiots... then, why the hell the fan in the next room is on???

बनिया

बनिया मरतांना - 

'' माझी प्रिय अर्धांगीनी तु इथे आहेस?''

बायको - हो मी इथेच आहे.

'' माझी प्रिय मुले आणि मुली तुम्ही सगळे इथेच आहात?''

मुले आणि मुली - हो बाबा.

बनिया - मग गाढवांनो शेजारच्या खोलीतील पंखा का सुरु आहे?

Federal Court Judge

On break down of his car on a country road one late night, a Federal court judge went up to a farm house looking for help.


A little beautiful lady answered and heard his problem. She told him that she was alone and since it was late, he would have to wait till morning for the garrage to open.


The judge:"In that case, I seek your permission to stay the night in your house".


The lady: "But, Sir, I am alone".


The judge : "No need to fear. After all, I am a federal court judge".


The lady: "But, Sir, here have only one bedroom".


The judge : "No need to fear. After all, I am a federal court judge".


They went to the bedroom & the lady said; "But, Sir, we have only one bed",


The judge: "No need to fear. After all, I am a federal court judge".


So they shared the bed and went to sleep, he facing this side and she facing that side.


In the morning, as they were passing the poultry towards the gate, the judge sensed something and watched closely. He saw there were about 20 hens & about 60 cocks.


As he asked the lady how so, she patiently explained, "Of these 60 cocks, only 10 are cocks. All others are Federal Court Judges".

फेडरल जज

एकदा एका फेडरल जजची कार रात्री उशीरा शहरापासून दुर फेल पडली. तो जज जवळच असलेल्या एका फॉर्म हाऊसवर मदत मिळेल या आशेने गेला. तिथे एक सुंदर स्त्री राहत होती. ती म्हणाली की ती तिथे एकटी राहते त्यामुळे त्याला गॅरेज वैगेरे उघडण्यासाठी सकाळपर्यंत वाट पहावी लागणार आहे. 

'' मग त्या परिस्थीतीत मी तुमची मला रात्रभर इथे राहू देण्यासाठी विनंती करतो'' तो जज म्हणाला.

'' पण सर मी इथे एकटी आहे'' ती स्त्री म्हणाली.

'' भ्यायची काही गरज नाही शेवटी मी कोर्टाचा एक फेडरल जज आहे'' तो जज म्हणाला.

'' पण सर इथे फक्त एकच बेडरुम आहे'' ती स्त्री म्हणाली.

'' भ्यायची काही गरज नाही शेवटी मी कोर्टाचा एक फेडरल जज आहे'' तो जज म्हणाला.

ते दोघे बेडरुमकडे गेले आणि ती स्त्री म्हणाली, '' पण सर इथे तर फक्त एकच बेड आहे''

'' भ्यायची काही गरज नाही शेवटी मी कोर्टाचा एक फेडरल जज आहे'' तो जज म्हणाला.

म्हणून ते रात्री एकाच बेडवर एकमेकांकडे पाठ करुन झोपले. 

सकाळी उठल्यावर जेव्हा जजने त्या स्त्री सोबत फॉर्म हाऊसच्या परिसरात एक चक्कर मारली, एका जागी त्याला कोंबड्यांचा कळप दिसला. पण जवळ जावून बघितल्यावर जजच्या लक्षात आले की त्या कळपात फक्त 20 कोंबड्या आहेत आणि जवळपास 60 कोंबडे आहेत. त्याला ते जरा विचित्रच वाटलं म्ह्णून त्याने त्या स्रीला विचारले, '' 60 कोंबडे आणि फक्त 20 कोंबड्या जरा विचित्रच वाटते नाही''

'' त्यात काय विचित्र... त्या 60 कोंबड्यांपैकी फक्त 10 कामाचे कोंबडे आहेत.''

'' आणि बाकी 50'' जजने विचारले

'' आणि बाकी 50 फेडरल जज आहेत'' त्या स्त्रीने उत्तर दिले.

Is there baseball in heaven?

Two old men had been best friends for years, and they both live to their early 90's, when one of them suddenly falls deathly ill. His friend comes to visit him on his deathbed, and they're reminiscing about their long friendship, when the dying man's friend asks, "Listen, when you die, do me a favor. I want to know if there's baseball in heaven."


The dying man said, "We've been friends for years, this I'll do for you." And then he dies.


A couple days later, his surviving friend is sleeping when he hears his friend's voice. The voice says, "I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that there's baseball in heaven."


"What's the bad news?"


"You're pitching on Wednesday."

स्वर्गात क्रिकेट आहे का?

दोन म्हातारे बऱ्याच वर्षापासून अगदी जिवलग मित्र होते. दोघांचही वय आता जवळपास 90च्या दरम्यान असेल जेव्हा त्यातील एक जण खुप आजारी पडला. त्याचा दुसरा मित्र त्याला रोज भेटायला येत असे आणि ते रोज आपल्या मैत्रीच्या गप्पा करीत असत. त्यांना आता जवळपास कल्पना आली होती की जो बिमार पडला आहे तो थोड्याच दिवसांचा साथीदार आहे. एक दिवस त्याच्या मित्राने मृत्यूशय्येवर पडलेल्या मित्राला म्हटले, '' बघ जेव्हा तू मरशील माझ्यासाठी एक काम करशील का?''

''कोणतं?'' मृत्यूशय्येवर पडलेल्या मित्राने विचारले.

'' तू मेल्यानंतर मला स्वर्गात क्रिकेट आहे का ते सांगशिल का?'' दुसऱ्याने विचारले.

दोघंही क्रिकेट वेडे होते.

'' का नाही जरुर सांगेन की'' मृत्यूशय्येवर पडलेला मित्र म्हणाला.

आणि एकदोन दिवसातच तो बिमार पडलेला मित्र मरण पावला. 

काही दिवसानंतर जो जिवंत म्हातारा मित्र होता त्याला झोपेत त्याच्या मेलेल्या मित्राचा आवाज एकू आला-

'' तुझ्यासाठी माझ्याकडे दोन बातम्या आहेत... एक वाईट आणि एक चांगली... चांगली बातमी ही आहे की स्वर्गात क्रिकेट आहे ... ''

''आणि वाईट बातमी?''

'' आणि वाईट बातमी ही आहे की तुला येत्या बुधवारच्या मॅचमधे बॉलींग करायची आहे''