A Chinese detectives report:!

A man suspected his wife of seeing another man; so he hired a famous Chinese detective to watch and report any activities while he was gone.

A few days later he received this report:

Most honorable Sir:
You leave the house. I watch house.
He comes to house. I watch.
He and she leave the house. I follow.
He and she get on train. I follow.
He and she go in hotel.
I climb tree-look in window.
He kiss she. She kiss he.
He strip she. She strip he.
He play with she. She play with he.
I play with Me. Fall out of tree, not see. NO FEE.